ROSENGARDWORLD. A WEEKLY COLUMN Number 7 - Saturday 11th November 2000

(NEWS junkie. Peter Rosengard has been watching TV news for 36hours non he is part of the story!)

I have been sitting here in West London watching TV news non stop now for 36 hours. CNN/Sky News BBC news at 10 CH4 news at 7, ITNnews at 11. WHY? Because like 4 billion other people round the world…I want to know who is the next President of the USA!. And I will not turn my TV off and go to bed until I know the answer. I know my rights and until I know the answer I am staying put in front of the TV.

The idea that George W is going to be the next President because 19000 mostly Jewish Palm Beach pensioners voted for Pat Buchanan is unbelievable…it’s like Hitler getting the Jewish vote in 1939! Get outta town! C’OMMON!! This is ridiculous! They put their vote in the wrong hole! It could happen to anybody who is 90 years old. Have you seen the voting form? .one little Parkinson shake. God Forbid let alone a tremor and next thing you’re voting Attilla the Hun for President !

Get those old people off the beach, out of the Kalooki game and back in the voting box NOW! Only this time give them 2 big coloured photos of Al and George W. and let em put a big tick in crayon on the one they want to vote for. BLUE for Gore..and Red for Bush. Let’s keep it simple!

Five minutes ago I inadvertently became part of the world’s hottest story myself! I was on the phone to New York trying to get hold of a friend, at the New York Times to find out what was really going on .

“I am sorry John is in China.”

Lesley the young woman who was sitting in at the culture desk said.. She was just giving me his e mail address when I asked her

“You don’t happen to know who the next President is by any chance Lesley?” I asked. “” she replied.

“Do you have any idea in London?” she asked.

“Everyone here is so fed up with what’s going on we all want to come and live in London.”

“Look get me a green card and we can do a swap” I said.

“So what’s the latest on the Palm Beach re count?” I continued.

” We haven’t heard ..we are waiting for the news” she said.

At that exact moment. CNN interrupted the studio election discussion to go to their Palm Beach reporter, a previously unknown impossibly handsome young man who I would guess is either CNN’s local Palm Beach celebrity reporter… or their White House chief correspondent you never can tell with CNN…and destined to replace CBS star news anchor Dan Rather..

( who will surely never ever recover his reputation after the total chaos of Tuesday night’s debacle “It is President Gore…I mean Pres. Bush.. I mean Pres. Gore.”.. as his eyes said “I think I am going insane.”)

The reporter said “A judge down here has just announced that he will hold a hearing into possible electoral irregularities in Palm Beach county, following a suit filed this morning by local voters ”

I repeated this to Lesley ..she shouted this news across the office to someone else.

“London says Palm Beach judge has just said he will hear the case!” she cried.

“Hey Lesley hold the front page!” I said. ” My name is spelt R O S E N G A R D .”

I can just see the NYT headline tomorrow “PALM BEACH JUDGE HALTS ELECTION!…holds votes irregularity hearing!” says London Life insurance salesman Peter Rosengard.

I can’t wait to buy my copy of the New York Times tomorrow for ‘all the news that’s fit to print.’.on second thoughts, at £6 a copy in my local Notting Hill newsagent..

I think I’ I’ll keep watching CNN.

Breaking news!

I just got an SOS call from my Uncle Sid. He has been stuck in an elevator on the 23rd floor of his Palm Beach condominium since Tuesday morning ..he was on his way to vote..FOR GORE!. He rang on his mobile!

Call Otis Lifts someone! The choice of the Next President of America could depend on getting my Uncle Sid out of that elevator. LOOK!.he is just 48 hours late that such a big deal..? Frankly the way the recount is going, Uncle Sid’s vote could wrap up the whole thing!